Turning Point !

Can't figure out from where shall I begin. But before i start, I would like to warn the reader that this is sad story so beware : P

I won't go round and round, so to the point yes I'm sad, I'm super sad after my break up.She is not even ready to talk to me, meeting me is out of question! She doesn't want to see me, but till few days back she used to blush seeing me. I never understood, how could she be happy just seeing me; as a matter of fact it gave me happiness too, but i never realized until today, wen she is gone. Maybe that was her way of expressing love towards me which i never understood and I'm sure there were many such unspoken words which I missed. I wish I could catch them all!

To tell the truth I have always put her through something or the other, be it my expectations, my anger or at times both. Like one of my friend said every human is born with 5 things - Expectation, Jealousy, Anger *2 more things which i can't recollect*. I too was born with them. Its human nature and I couldn't avoid it, but I lack one more thing on top of that, I cant deal with them aptly and that is the reason why she left. But i stand helpless here because who wouldn't wanna hear that his girl misses him or loves him or who wouldn't like to be hugged by his girl. Well that was my need; 3 texts in a year saying that she misses me n she loves me and when I say 3 texts in a year I mean it literally. I believe I would have dealt with my problems in a better way had there been more such expressive words. I know she is coy and emotionally retarded and in-spite of that she tried really hard to get out of her shell, and I should be the one appreciating her, but I couldn't do it whole heartedly. Because somewhere deep inside my heart was like *seriously, thrice a year?* she could have done better had she tried hard. Maybe i can say this so easily because it's not a matter of great deal for me or maybe because I din't see her efforts.

Keeping all this aside I accepted her the way she was as I never wanted to lose her for reasons like this. It was difficult for me to adjust every time it was about my expectations. I stayed quiet on the expectations but during that time  I din't realize the way I was behaving with her, all those expectations which were trapped deep inside me, came out in the form of anger and jealousy. I made her feel the way i never wanted her to feel like. Guilt was pilling up in her head, as she would not meet my expectations. I became rude and harsh. I was blindfolded and totally lost in my anger. She kept absorbing my tantrum till few days back when the level of her guilt crossed her neck and she left. And here I'm standing all alone facing the wrath of my deed. I have apologized for things I have done and I know I can never be sorry enough for this. But I need a chance to prove her that I can be a better person. She deserves lot better than this and I want to give her all the happiness she deserves. I think I deserve last chance *fingers crossed*

To be continued......